“Have you ever experienced challenging group dynamics?” by Rachel at Earthaven
On Jan 16, 2024, the following newletter was published to the Earthaven email list:
Earthaven is a microcosm of the macrocosm. This is a phrase we are fond of using when trying to convey the nuances of life in our little village. What are we trying to convey with that statement? This is not a utopia. This is real life with real people, who are all carrying echoes of the conditioning, ideas, and philosophies of their previous lives into this experiment we call Earthaven Ecovillage. Sure, we are all dedicated to our personal growth, striving for another, more connected and compassionate way of being human, but here we are.
We are living together, working together, making decisions together…and if you think a bunch of mild mannered and unopinionated people dragged themselves out to the woods to forge a self-governed off-grid community from mountain forests, I’ve got some news for you. We are a passionate and visionary bunch. We take this intentional community project seriously, and each and every one of us sees a different version (ok, so sometimes we overlap). So what happens when 50 or more imperfectly human, fervent idea generators fulfilling a big experimental vision gather in one village? We create opportunities for conflict. And if you’re asking me, this is one of the most beautiful aspects of Earthaven.
What? Conflict is a beautiful part of Earthaven?! Yes. Conflict is inevitable. It will happen wherever humans gather. Instead of trying to avoid it, collectively, we are focusing our energy on how to deal with conflict. Our collective experience of conflict is a huge part of Earthaven’s cultural evolution, and fertile ground for our individual and communal healing. Personally, I feel like I’m living through a sort of conflict renaissance, where as a community we have gathered so much information and skill, that conflict itself is becoming a connective thread in the fabric of communal life here. I’m not saying it always feels good- experiencing conflict can be stressful and even painful in the short term- but I see us arriving at a point where the return is much greater than the investment.
When I envision our conflict resolution strategies, I see a nested model of responsibility in my mind. In the center is Personal Responsibility. Each of us has a responsibility to the wellbeing of the community to do our own inner work, so that we might navigate life together with compassionate ears and tongues. To consider the needs of ourselves and one another equally, and with a desire for understanding.
When that isn’t enough, the next realm of responsibility is the Interpersonal. The interpersonal responsibility is that we voluntarily engage interpersonal conflict and not let it fester or create permanent divides whenever possible. We have community resources in the form of mediators available to help when needed, and we encourage asking one another for help. Here’s where even greater nuance comes in. There is overlap between Interpersonal Responsibility, and the next realm, Communal Responsibility.
When working together closely, especially in areas of organizational self-governance, interpersonal conflict can easily affect others, the decision-making process, and the smooth functioning of community (hence the dedication to addressing interpersonal issues). Other community members become invested in addressing relationship challenges. I’ve recently moved through such a conflict, having a longstanding and painful dynamic with another person that was deeply affecting us, and also our ability to work together in groups serving Earthaven. It was humbling and incredibly supportive to have community members invest their time and energy in not only our wellbeing, but the wellness of the whole. With the investment of energy from those who love us, we have moved on to an incredibly valuable level of understanding and mutual support for each other. We showed up to the table and shifted long standing narratives not only about one another, but ourselves. Conflict.Is.Beautiful.
Probably the most intimidating and risky-feeling realm of conflict is communal. What might we lose if we can’t find resolution and understanding among the group? We have had community conflict in the past around land use philosophies that resulted in years-long disconnection between individuals, and we’ve had deep community conflict that resulted in a legal restructuring of our community. We now have multiple organizational branches of the Earthaven tree, greater resilience, and a firmer legal foundation for our lives here. These experiences were the catalysts for the level of resource and skill we have today, because no matter the disagreement, we are all turned towards the third (greater) thing: this place, the land and our lives here- are too precious for us to let conflict tear it apart. And so we learn to lean in.
Community discussions, group forums we call heartshares, and solution-oriented meetings are strategies we employ for addressing larger community conflict. Non-Violent Communication as well as transitioning towards a more sociocratic decision-making process instead of pure consensus were tools that helped along the way. And of course, gaining wisdom through experience. If you are interested in learning a bit more about community life, here’s a free podcast from long-time member- Diana Leafe Christian who has experience in navigating communities around the world:
If you are living the community life, or intend to try, please look into Diana’s upcoming live online workshop “Working Effectively With Community Conflict–Interpersonal Conflict, Structural Conflict, and Especially Challenging Behaviors” starting February 1, for five consecutive Thursdays, 7-9pm. Diana has been a member of Earthaven for nearly two decades, and studying, visiting, and consulting with intentional communities around the globe for even longer. She is the author of two books on community living and has gathered a treasure chest of wisdom for communities facing conflict and challenge. An engaging and eloquent educator, Diana’s workshops are a gift to the communities movement. You can register through the School of Integrated Living’s website here.
I’d like to acknowledge that there was a mistake in my previous email sharing our 5% discount on programming. This discount is factored into the price of in-person programming, and it is ONLINE programs that require the coupon code “ROBIN”. I apologize for any confusion or inconvenience this may have caused.
Through the softening of individual hearts and the actions of small groups, may our systems and structures also come to see conflict as an opportunity for deeper connection, recognition of our interdependence, and developing the necessary skills for peaceful and fruitful resolution.
In community,
Rachel
Earthaven Ecovillage Member