Nette just walked up to me and said: “hey Terrence. Isn’t it odd that the same day you donated a monitor to the thrift shop, you found a new one? And I went and bought 2 light bulbs but didnt know you were going to run across some lamps.”
Blog
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Reflecting on former residents
Below are the main reasons that former members preferred to exit Fantasy Island. One interesting this is that many of these issues could/should have been brought up at the weekly meeting.
Temperature
I like the temperature around 80 degrees Fahrenheit. Some people prefer it lower, perhaps 78 or 79. 79 is tolerable, but I get uncomfortable any lower. The introduction of an isolation tank further motivates keeping the room temperature at 80 degrees: it insures the air above the water in the tank is not too cold.
Electromagnetic interference
At least 2 residents were highly sensitive to wifi signals or large computer screen radiation.
Bumping noises
On occasion, I have done vigorous morning exercise routines. One member mentioned that she heard it. But want to actually witness it. Another member was concerned about a number of bumping noises, such doors closing and more. Ideally, feedback would occur as soon as these issues happened.
Eviction
I did choose to evict one tenant. The person quit paying rent. That, in and of itself, was not a reason to evict the person. Because this is a cooperative, the idea is to cooperate with people. But this person’s behavior became very uncooperative in addition to not paying. Reflecting on the issues with this person was instructive:
- one night a conflict occurred that triggered former trauma in the member. Instead of engaging in conflict resolution, the person began to act haughty and high-strung (e.g. slamming doors in people’s faces, no longer attending weekly meetings). Understandably, during the conflict, the person was quite uncooperative, even to the point of throwing things in the direction of the other party. But after the trauma reply, the person continued to carry a grudge and behave in a resentful fashion instead of engaging in conflict resolution and trauma healing. The lack of cooperation violates the central tenet of Fantasy Island as a cooperative.
- Uncooperative behavior as mentioned above. In addition verbal threats of getting a restraining order or filing charges of sexual assault (when there was none) led to the weekly meeting minutes requiring sign-off by all members. This way, we are all admitting that there are no other issues and that we have brought everything to the table that is a source of conflict. Put another way, if she were to go to the police with claims of mistreatment, she would have to explain why she signed her name each week on a paper listing all outstanding issues.
- Ducking the weekly meeting. This person started using evasive tactics to avoid the weekly meeting, leading to me changing it several times and her not showing up each time it was changed.
- Losing money – the eviction took 60-75 days, meaning no revenue during that time + paying for eviction service by a skilled professional.
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High Vibe Ideas
- a smooth clear pond – not muddy, not thrashing about
- a smile
- a happy tree
- radio channel – tune in and listen
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Rails for Communication
Something I said to someone:
When I heard your opinion on Elon Musk, I became worried about your well-being as well as anyone else who holds your opinion. My fear-based communication led to separation not connection. I violated many of the suggestions given in this passage from “Messages from the Masters” by Brian Weiss. It would be nice if groups had a set of communication guidelines and procedures to immediately handle violent communication. Please forgive me. I’m sorry. I meant to help you, not harm you.
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relief from herniated disc
suggestion was: sit down on table even if you cant lay down.
john sat on table for 20 minutes because he could not lay down
john is skeptical. but he said he felt much better
2nd day John did twice: he felt much better and went to go to the gym.
after hurt, normally 1-2 weeks in bed. but in 2 days with table, he felt well enough to go to the gym.
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Defending a viewpoint is not compassionate communication: discussing the electric bill
What occurred:
- I said “you know what, I estimated the power bill to be $80 but it’s $120, so perhaps we should split it”
- Party B said: “we had an agreement about the rent”
- I said: “there is no agreement or lease in place. This is an experiment-in-progress. I’m not trying to profiteer off of anyone.”
Step 3 was an effort to defend a viewpoint
In non-violent communication (NVC), aka compassionate communication, we do not attempt to defend or justify as one would in a debate or court of law.
Instead, we give self-empathy and other-empathy.
So, step 3 was a “correctable error”. A more compassionate response would be: “When you say ‘we had an agreement about the rent’, my needs for consideration and understanding are not met and I feel angry. I’m guessing that your needs for consistency and trust are not met and you are feeling angry.”
And from that point, we could perform “The Exercise” so that the needs of both parties are met.
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Wendy
Wendy practices Transcendental Meditation and does yoga.
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Nanette
Nanette lived and served at the Kushi Macrobiotic Institute for 3 years.
