Defending a viewpoint is not compassionate communication: discussing the electric bill
What occurred:
- I said “you know what, I estimated the power bill to be $80 but it’s $120, so perhaps we should split it”
- Party B said: “we had an agreement about the rent”
- I said: “there is no agreement or lease in place. This is an experiment-in-progress. I’m not trying to profiteer off of anyone.”
Step 3 was an effort to defend a viewpoint
In non-violent communication (NVC), aka compassionate communication, we do not attempt to defend or justify as one would in a debate or court of law.
Instead, we give self-empathy and other-empathy.
So, step 3 was a “correctable error”. A more compassionate response would be: “When you say ‘we had an agreement about the rent’, my needs for consideration and understanding are not met and I feel angry. I’m guessing that your needs for consistency and trust are not met and you are feeling angry.”
And from that point, we could perform “The Exercise” so that the needs of both parties are met.